Countdown to TEAS!!

The test is now in less than a week. I went over some of the science portion. Ugh, I'm still missing almost half of the questions! I hope it's better on the actual test. I should do the online one and see how I do. I need to devote alllll of my free time to studying. We have something tomorrow in Fort Wayne, a two hour drive each way! I think I'll bring my book.
I got a letter last week that said it would be the 2nd week of February before they inform everyone of who gets in! OMG what a wait. But after the test is done (4 hours) they can let us know what our chances are.
Please, please, please let me get in! I don't think we can wait another year.

The busy Christmas holiday!

Saturday we had a holiday party at my parents. All Ava ever wants to do is climb up and down the stairs. I don't know what her obsession with stairs is all about! Lucas did really good. I didn't see him for a lot of the time. He was being passed around. He was being so huggy with everybody. We got some food to take home.
This is Izabella. Her cheeks are really filling out.

The mandatory Lucas and Izabella comparison picture. It's not that great though.

Ava trying to play with her.

Izabella was getting fussy with Lucas sitting next to her. So I moved him to where he was facing her and she got this bright look on her face.

Christmas eve we went to Jay's grandma's house. She had fallen on saturday and was feeling quite bruised up. I don't think we got any pictures but Ava and I got this glowing snowman thing and Lucas got a stuffed duck with long legs. We were there for quite a while then drove around to look at Christmas lights. Jay decided to drive around in the country and Ava fell asleep. But she did get to see Christmas lights. I think Lucas slept the whole time.
We all got new jammies to wear for Christmas. A little bit of a pose from Ava. She has her eyes closed though.


The tree after santa visited. That's our kitty Willa laying there. Yes, we got our cats a bed for Christmas. They even had a stocking.

I could not get Lucas to sleep at all. I ended up keeping him in bed with me. At 330am Ava woke up for some reason. She was crying but I don't know why. She isn't good at telling us these things. She saw all the presents and kept trying to play with them. I managed to get her back to bed around 4am. Then Lucas was up at 630 for good. It wasn't a good night for me. I got up and made our breakfast. I left Lucas in bed with Jay so that he could wake daddy up. They came down at about 730 or so. Ava was still in bed. Hmm, SHE got to sleep in. I think it was after 8 that she got up.
Waiting for Ava to get up.

I decided to let Lucas open a present from Aunt Becky while we were waiting for Ava to wake up.

Ava finally got up and had to 'help' Bubby with his gifts.



Love the hair!

He was more interested in eating the paper. lol


More 'helping'

She got a sit and spin! (Jay in the background trying to be funny!)



So cute!

We went to my parents after we were done with our stuff. I didn't get any pictures then. It was nice. I got to spend some time with my niece which I can't do much of anymore. Ava got an easel and a doll. Lucas got some trucks and a car steering wheel thing-of course it's loud. We also left with a bag full of candy! In addition to the candy we had at home.
Then it was time to go to Jay's parents. I laid Lucas down for a nap right away. He slept for over two hours! He didn't miss the gift opening though. We had to wait for my sil to get back. They left their gifts at home and had to drive all the way back to get them. It's an hour each way! lol We started to open gifts when they got back and Ava wasn't going to do it. After all that time of looking and touching the gifts saying 'That's Ava's'. She wanted Bubby to open gifts too! I think it was combined with her being tired and not wanting to be the center of attention.
Waiting for present time.

Her new Dora table and chairs. After she opened this gift she had to open the rest on the table and wanted Bubby to sit with her. Awww


I was busy making sure Lucas was going to stay on his seat to take any more pictures.
It was after 8pm when we got home! We were exhausted!! The laundry is done and the toys are put away. Things are starting to go back to normal again! The kids have adjusted back pretty well to schedules. Lucas still isn't sleeping through the night.

In the midst of the Christmas mess!

Oh.....My....Goodness!! I can not believe the amount of stuff we have accumulated in one day!! I don't know where we are going to fit it all. I'm so happy to be able to get back to our regular schedule for a few days. The kids are not sleeping well. Ava was up at 330am for some odd reason. Then Lucas after being up at 11 (when I decided to just bring him to bed with me) woke up for good at 630am! I'm so exhausted. I hope they will both sleep alllll night.
I'll have to be back to post pictures and gift lists.......

Christmas survey thing

I guess I was tagged by Kelly! I've never done this before though.


1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper but gift bags when I've been wrapping too much. Or the gift is oddly shaped.

2. Real tree or artificial? fake

3. When do you put up the tree? We've been doing it the day after Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down? Sometime around New Years Day.

5. Do you like eggnog? Yes, but not really till I met Jay. I don't think it was something my family would partake in.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? probably my Cabbage Patch kid<-----I was thinking that for me too Kelly

7. Do you have a nativity scene? We do but it's not out this year. I don't feel like picking up wise men off the floor a million times a day!!

8. Hardest person to buy for? My FIL or my step-mom.

9. Easiest person to buy for? My kids, others kids aren't that easy though.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Not that I can recall.....

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? I always mail. I don't know why I would email cards???

12. Favorite Christmas movie? I like a lot of Christmas movies, not really sure....If I had to say, I'd say A Christmas Story.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? If I find something throughout the year that would be a good gift I get it. So I guess all through the year.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? I don't think so.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Favorite thing? I don't know, there is a whole lot I like to eat....it catches up with me.

16. Clear or colored lights on the tree? We have both. Clear (white) around the base of the tree and colored on the branches.

17. What is your favorite Christmas song? It was Silver Bells or Little Drummer Boy (especially the one by David Bowie and Bing Crosby)

18. Travel at Christmas or stay at home? We go to my parents and to Jay's parents. Not too far from home.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? I can, I have to sing the song to myself.

20. Angel on top of the tree or a star? A star

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning, but we do jammies Christmas Eve before bed.

22. What I love most about Christmas? Spending time with family!!

I don't know what the protocol is, I think everyone I read has done this already. Does it stop with me?

Pictures

Daddy came home late one night and she fell asleep like this waiting for him. lol She almost never falls asleep outside of her bed.

Ava decorated cookies. We did these at home.

Hanging out in Ava's room one day.


Ava being silly. This is the side she only shows at home. She's not really like this outside of the house.

The way to open presents with a 6 month old: let him grab onto a piece of the paper then pull the box. lol

He was enjoying his biter biscuit.

We did a gingerbread train. Ava loves trains. The icing was put on by daddy and Ava did most of the candy decorating....and eating.

My poor little girl

I don't think she is the adventurous type at all. We stopped at McDonalds on the way to shop on tuesday. She wanted to play with the kids in the playland there. So I took her in the room while Jay cleaned up. She went right for the play structure and started to climb into a tube. She got part way in there and got stuck and got scared. I'm not sure if she really got stuck. I think she just got scared. I had to go in after her. I couldn't get her to come back down to me. I'm sure I'm waaaay over the weight limit for those things. I was afraid it was going to crack under me. lol By the time I got to get in there she was up farther than she was before. I had to pull her back a little bit so that we could go down the slide. She was crying trying to get me to go up further. But she said later that the slide was fun. Go figure. She didn't go back toward the play structure but didn't want to leave either.

Maybe her lack of adventure means that we are going to be in trouble with Lucas. ugh lol

Collecting my thoughts....

I think I'm getting increasingly more nervous about the TEAS test. After my very long test last thursday a girl from my class told me that there are supposed to be 105 people taking the test! She just broke my heart. I was nervous thinking there were 67! That means I have less of a chance! I hope she is wrong! I still haven't even opened my study guide. I'm not nervous about passing it at all. I think it is a simple test, it's just that there are soo many people vying for 40 spots.
I'm hoping I got at least a 3.0 in my biology class. That would still keep my GPA up. It stinks that we have 4 tests that we never got the grades back on. Since I got 75% on the one I thought I did so good on, I'm sure the photosynthesis was bad. I just don't understand his grading system sometimes. I'm so glad that that class is over! I don't have any classes till Jan 12! Then I can do it from home. Or the library.
I sold back the Biology book. The book that cost me $160, they gave me back.......$50! WTH? I thought I'd get at least half! I'll have to go back and see how much they are trying to sell the used books for.
I think Ava has seriously been hit with the terrible two's. She wasn't that bad for the longest time. I don't know if she's not getting enough sleep or what. It seems like there is so much that we do so wrong to throw her into a fit. I worry that she isn't at the level that she should be at for an almost 3 year old.
This afternoon we are going to do a tiny bit of shopping then taking the kids to a park where they decorate all the trees. It should be pretty. Hopefully they cooperate. By they, I mean Ava.

Biology, cookies and a trip down the stairs.

Ah, one more test down today and one more to go. The test today I think was the longest test I have taken in that class. I had the chair that doesn't adjust. It was way too tall for the table I was at. My neck hurt after that hour and ten minutes. It gave me a headache. I think I did alright. But the last test I thought I did good and only got 75% on. :( One more day, I'm so excited to be done. I'm selling my book tomorrow! Hopefully they'll give me $80 back. That was one freaking expensive book.
I got home and Jay went off to work. I gave bubby a nap and Ava and I hung out a little. We laid on the floor and looked up at the tree. She was counting up to 7. She had been skipping over 4,5,6, and 7. She got to 7 and skipped 8 then counted 9. She is all over with her counting. Sometimes she does it right and sometimes she messes it all up.
We went to a playdate today too. We were going to decorate cookies. She was being pretty shy at first. The other moms commented on how quiet she was. lol Yeah, she's only like that out in public, not at home. She spooned icing over her cookies so that it just drizzled a little bit. Then she just dumped this little cup of sugar crystals right on top of her cookie. I should have taken a picture. She was the first to get bored with the cookies. She had to go play with the kids toys. The puzzles. I think we know one more thing to ask santa for. She had a blast playing with the other kids. They were all just about her age. Two two year olds (twins) and a three year old. They made a mess of the house and got to put stickers up on the walls of this little space beneath the stairs. She didn't want to leave. It got late, only an hour before Bubby's bedtime and time to think about dinner. Plus they were starting to get some company. I left Lucas inside so I could focus on getting Ava in the car first. She takes advantage of me being occupied with Lucas and takes off running any chance she gets. She's done it several times in the dr's office parking lot. Well she started down the first step. It happened so fast I don't even know how it happened. I think she was going to grab the rail and fell down the steps. Big cement steps. There were only about 5 steps. She flipped head over heels. It scared me so bad! That part happened so slow. She cried and screamed and fought so hard not to go home.
I decided to get McDonalds so I would have to spend time trying to figure out what to make then getting it all ready. We came home and sat down to eat. I fed Bubby and set him down on the floor while I used the bathroom. Ava followed me in there with her chocolate milk. I came back out to the dining room and was picking things up. I hear Ava say 'Uh Oh'. Well I did hear the bottle falling. At first I thought it fell in the tub, which would be good. Oh no, it fell on the floor. Sprayed up the wall and on the toilet. Our bathroom tile is not grouted. The chocolate milk fell into the cracks between the tiles. Ava is taking her straw and trying to suck up the chocolate milk off of the floor. Not just off the floor out of the cracks between the tiles! Puke. I get a towel and try to dry off the walls and the floor and the toilet. Bubby is in the living room crying. This is when Jay comes home. Perfect timing. Crazy!!!
Our new license plates came in today. The state is phasing out the plates we have. I saw the numbers on them were all (3 of 4 license plates) in succession. One of them ends in 666! I had to open it up and see which car it's for. Jay's car! Thanks goodness it's not mine! lol It seems he always comes up with that number somehow.
Another bad thing I did to my kids. :( Yesterday I was cleaning out the closet in Lucas's room. I had him sitting on the floor near me and Ava was looking at books. The old mobile was on the shelf. I pulled on some fabric and the music box part of it flew off and hit Bubby on the head. I felt sooo bad!!! He had a little lump on his head for a little bit. I keep doing that kind of stuff. It's like I'm a first time mom.
Well, that was our crazy day. Tomorrow should be better, right? We don't have any plans after my very last biology class is over.

I don't want to study!

I'm so tired of Biology! I am done with it. Unfortunately I have two more tests to take. Two more days. Two more days.
The genetics one tomorrow should be pretty easy going. The lab test on thursday will be harder.
Thursday I can sell my book back!
Time to force myself to open that dreadful book.
Two more days!

The sickies strike again!

Ava is sick again. She started to get really cranky yesterday. She was so stuffed up. She didn't sleep well at all last night. She woke up 45 minutes after originally going to bed. We all didn't get to bed till midnight. Then she woke up at 1am! I sat in the chair with her dozing till almost 4am. That's when she decided that she wanted to go in her bed. She woke up again at almost 5am. That's the time that Lucas usually gets up. Jay sat up with her that time. I had to get up at 620 to get ready for school. Jay got her back down at 720 just as I was about to leave. She slept till 10am. Of course I was gone that whole time.
1Lucas slept thatlong as well. He never does that for me. He hasn't been going to bed so easy lately. He fights and fights and fights. I don't know what it will take to get him to sleep on his own. I don't want to nurse him to sleep every night. I just can't do it. It takes up to 2-3 hours to get him down lately.
Schools in the area were all canceled today. All except for my college! It would have been nice to stay home and sleep a little longer but I braved the icy roads and went to school. The worst part of it was walking on the ice. I got my score back from the test on Thursday. 96/100!! I wonder which ones I missed. He just gave us a quick glance. Boo! Tomorrow we get to go over our tests from last week. I hope I did as well. I'm not that confident about the photosynthesis one.

Hehehe or Ho Ho Ho

Lucas is 6 months

As of last saturday. This past tuesday was his 6 month appt. He is 18lbs 8oz and 27 1/2 inches long. The length measurement may be off. Somehow we got 3 different readings. I looked back at Ava's baby book she was over 20lbs!! But people keep saying that he is a big baby. It's mostly because of his tiny cousin Izabella.
Anyway he dropped in his percentiles. The dr is a little concerned about it. She thinks I need to feed him more solids. He takes a couple bites from me, that's it. Jay isn't home enough to help with the feedings. Actually he could in the mornings but doesn't know how to spread his time out.
The dr did say that he is doing good with his milestones. I have no idea what those are supposed to be this time. I checked up on Ava all the time. Maybe I'm just more relaxed this time or maybe I just don't have the time to try to keep up with it all.
He can sit up on his own but still takes a fall every so often. He tries to sit up from a laying position. I don't think he'll get it for a while. He hasn't figured out that he needs to use his arms too. He's trying to do all the work with his abs. He just has to be able to see everything that's going on. He dances to music. It's so cute! I took a video of him after I noticed that he kept rocking back and forth when Ava was playing with the Hallmark Snowmen. I don't know how to post the video though.
He is a pretty happy baby. He's such a ham! He loves to get his picture taken. Complete opposite of Ava right now. She doesn't like to have her picture taken.
The dr commented about him being happy. But then she was gone when he got his shots. Poor baby.
Jay's grandma was supposed to have knitted a santa hat for him. I can't wait to see it!
Tomorrow is Jay's birthday. We are going out for dinner tonight. :) The kids are staying at home with the grandparents.
Busy holiday weekends coming up. But I love it all.




*and after 11 days Lucas finally pooped, still marking it on my calendar

Miscellaneous junk....

2 tests down 2 more to go then Biology is done! I'm so glad to be done with this class. But then I'm sad that I don't get the time out of the house by myself anymore. I think I did well on the test yesterday btw. Naming plants and animals. I am very confident on the animals and plants but the birds not so much. There was just one that I couldn't answer. The video did not have very good color.
3 weeks 6 days till the TEAS test. I haven't studied a whole lot. Too busy studying for Biology. Christmas break that will be all I'm doing. I'm sure I'll pass it but I have to do better than 27 or so people.
Lucas is not pooping again. He had two days in a row last week. I actually wrote that down. It's been since last Tuesday. The dr said it would get better when he is on solids more. He's had cereal just about every day.
Sometimes I think Ava does things deliberately just to annoy me. This morning she was so sweet. Acting silly, we were having fun. Then bubby got up. I accidently left a file cabinet drawer open. She started to pull files out. All of the papers from the files are on the floor. She just wanted to look at all the colors of the files.
We went out to play in the snow the other day. Ava loved it. I put a pair of jeans on her then my socks over her socks and jeans. Then I put her sweat pants on her. lol I guess we need to get her some snow pants and boots. She had a great time, she was kicking and screaming when I had to drag her in the house. I couldn't feel my legs anymore. My coat kept my upper half pretty cozy. Sooo nice.




And just because I think he's cute, here's a picture of Lucas.


I have the photobook for Lori almost done. I'm waiting for my sister to send one more picture. That seems to be like pulling teeth. It would be nice if she lived here. I could take a picture of her daughter myself and get it over with.
Excited about Christmas coming. It'll be so fun to see Ava's reaction this year. She can actually say Santa Claus this year.

Ava's sick

Somethings going on with her. She hasn't been eating much at all. She is pooping too much. So not fun! But she is still in really good spirits. One time she went to her bedroom to 'go' and said 'I tooted' then 'I stink'. lol She can be so funny.
The cutest picture ever of Lucas. We put them in the bath together last night. Jay had to hold Lucas down, he kept trying to float away. I think I had too much water in there. He is such a little ham, he loves the camera.

I looked at the signup sheet for the teas test and there were 38 people for the morning session and 29 for the afternoon. 67 people taking a test to get into 40 open postitions. I have a headache thinking about it.

The Ava and Santa picture

lol

5 tests and 2 quizes in 2 1/2 weeks.

I have a headache just thinking about that. The first is tomorrow. Should be pretty easy, I think. Then on my own time monday or tuesday I have to take another one. The hard one on photosynthesis!! I don't know where I'm going to get that time from!? I'd have to wait till Jay gets home from work. Monday and wednesday I have to take quizzes. Then Thursday is our animal/plant identification test!!! That one might kill me too. The next week we have the test on the stuff we are doing in class. That should be okay, I like genetics. And we have a lab test. I'm gonna have to spend every night studying for a different test!! I'll have to put off studying for the TEAS test till Christmas.
I finally got my car back. Jay got the brakes fixed on the cutlass. It's only been sitting there since August. I got to run some errands today! Ava actually did pretty good. We went to the post office then walked through downtown for a little bit. When we came home I laid Lucas down for his nap and went back outside with Ava. She had a blast playing in the snow. What little we had. I'll have to put up the video when I upload it. She was cute. I had a hard time getting her back inside. I was freezing! It's going to be a hard winter. I think we'll probably spend a lot of Lucas's naps playing outside. I hate cold weather.

An hour and a half, a polaroid and a crying child.

Ugh, that was our experience yesterday. We took Ava to see Santa. A little local thing. He wasn't even a good santa. The digital camera they were using died after the first 4 pictures. We waited an hour and a half to get to see santa. And they took her picture with a polaroid camera. She doesn't want to be near him. But later she said she liked santa. The picture is pretty bad quality. I think pictures from my childhood look better. But it's pretty funny because she is screaming. We'll have to save that for her later. If it lasts that long.
I think we'll go to the mall and see a better santa. I wanted to get a picture of Lucas but with the long wait he fell asleep.
We got to see a reindeer. She was cute. I didn't get anything with my digital camera because I was with Ava and Jay had Lucas. The camera was in my pocket. I wish I had gotten a picture. But Ava did pet the reindeer.
It was such a long weekend! I'm glad that's over.

3 Weeks left of school. But he posted grades today and my grade moved up to a 3.0!! Woohoo. Just barely though. 80% The stuff we are on now is so much easier for me. I like genetics. Just not looking forward to the photosynthesis test. Why in the world am I ever going to need to know that?

I got Ava's hair cut on saturday. I like it. She looks cute. It'll be no fuss since she won't let me do anything with it. Her bangs are fixed now too.


I'm still feeling left out. Everytime I try to come out and join things I feel shot down again. I'm nervous to write that but that's how I feel. I can't get over it all. I'm not sharing pictures again.
A little over a month till the test. I'm getting dizzy thinking about it.

Pictures

Just missed a kiss.

He's silly!

He adores her!

Ava running around outside. She's so pretty. Pink is really her color.


He looks so grown up in this picture.

It's this look that melts my heart.

He is driving me crazy!!

My poor baby! He hasn't pooped in about two weeks. I can't remember exactly when was the last time. I know it's been way too long. We have an appointment tomorrow at 11am. If he poops before then I have to cancel it. But I don't want to have this keep going on. I'm afraid to feed him any solids. I'm afraid to have him too far away. We moved him into the crib last night. I didn't sleep well, I kept waiting for him to wake up. He finally did at 3am. I brought him into our room and slept a little better.
I think he'll be in the dr's office more times in 6 months then Ava has in almost 3 years. First it was the ears. He is getting congested, I think he may be getting another ear infection. He was rubbing at his ear this evening. Ugh, not fun.
Ava was so easy. He's not been so easy but he is still so sweet.
We'll see what tomorrow brings.

The great avocado search

I bought an avocado the other day. I wanted to feed it to Lucas today but it's missing! Ava must have taken it sometime. I have no idea where it is. We have searched everywhere. In the hamper, the trash.... She frustrates me so much sometimes. Then she can be so sweet in the same moment. I had to take Lucas in to the dr to check his ears again. They're clear! She ran away from me in the parking lot and again when we got home. I have almost no patience with her anymore. I feel bad about that. I think I need some time away from her.
I cut her bangs because I was tired of them being so long. It looks awful! She doesn't hold still for me. We have an appt on the 24th. She's getting her hair fixed and I'm getting my hair cut. I think I'm going to have her hair cut into a bob. At least until her hair doesn't look so stringy.
Lucas hasn't pooped in a long time. I can't remember exactly when. I know it's been a while. If he doesn't poop by Monday we have to call the dr. It doesn't seem to be bothering him. I can't believe he's almost 6 months old. He is such a sweet baby. He still doesn't sleep well. He wakes up 1-2 times a night. I'm so tired.
I signed up for the winter semester. I'm taking Anatomy & Phisiology and Nutrition. Both online. I hope I'm not getting in over my head. I didn't use my time wisely with the one online class I had last year.
I'm not feeling like I'm doing that well in Biology. I really can't wait till this class is OVER!!!
I may have a study group of the TEAS test. We should start studying soon. There are over 170 people going for 40 openings in the nursing program. AHH, I hope I get in.

I'm 30

I think today was the first time I actually had to say that out loud.
The words almost caught in my throat. It's not that I'm afraid of aging. It's about how in the world did I get here? Time has passed by so fast. I really don't feel like I should be 30. An age that seemed so old before. Now it seems still kind of young.

TEAS

My test is paid for. I did that yesterday. Now I'm just waiting for January 3, 2008 at 830am.

So nervous! It's 4 hours long.

I really want to pass this.

And I found out that my last week of Biology we have 3!!!!!!! tests. Holy crap!! That'll be a crazy week!! Just in time for Christmas. I can't wait till this class is over! December 15th!!

Trick or treating....

Ava did really good. She loved it, she was practically running! lol She was so cute. She didn't want the costume on at first. I had to keep telling her to wait for daddy to get home. Once we got in the car she didn't care anymore. We stopped at the park and they just had hotdogs (it was soooo busy) and the kids got to feed the animals. Ava didn't do any of that. She was too busy just being able to run loose. She didn't want to get back in the car to go trick-or-treating. She loved it and we stayed out longer than we originally thought we would. It sprinkled a little bit. I had Lucas in the stroller and put the rain guard on it. He slept most of the time. He was a cute little teddy bear.
Yesterday Ava pronounced her name right for the first time. Before it was Ah-va. It was cute. Gosh, she's growing up. She was in her room to 'nap' and I don't think she did. Her room was torn apart. EVERY toy was out of it's bin. I still have to clean that up sometime.
Today she actually sat on the potty. She said something about having to go and I took her to the bathroom. She sat down on the potty. She didn't go she said she was stuck. Whatever that means. She got an M&M for sitting on the potty since that is such a big move for her. She still didn't go but I think we are finally moving in the right direction with potty training. I'm so happy for her!
I thought there was something else I wanted to write about but I can't remember right now. That's what I get for waiting so long.
Lucas is crying now.

Thoughts

I guess I just don't understand how someone can not want to do better than what they grew up with. How can you not want your kids to have a better life than what you had? How can you not care that your kids are growing up in fiflth? Not everyone lives like that, you can see that. It shouldn't be normal. It isn't healthy! How could you not want to do everything possible to make sure that they aren't ashamed of how they grew up? How can someone who had a more normal life not care that their child is growing up like that? Nothing makes up for it, not drugs, not sex, NOTHING!
I just really don't know what else to say. It really hurts me.
I'm wondering if I do have a little ppd. Some things I have been feeling for a long time though. I think I might have some kind of chemical imbalance. My head is fuzzy, I can't think straight. I don't know where to start. I'm afraid of getting a wrong diagnosis. I just don't think I can handle all of the stresses. I don't want to keep feeling like I have to send Ava away every day. She's not really that bad of a kid.
I might change my blog to private.
We're going TOTing tonight, I hope it turns out alright.

Ava

She can be so sweet. She is so good with her brother. Except she thinks it's funny to scream in his face when he's trying to fall asleep. It's annoying. He loves her right back and laughs at her when she does this stuff. She has to give him a kiss before he goes to bed at night.
Last night we went to a playdate and she stuck close to me. She did actually eat. Most of the time she won't eat if we are out. All the other kids were carving pumpkins but Ava was playing with toys. Probably because the other kids were busy. There was a little boy that she was playing with. He's a little younger than her but he didn't want to carve a pumpkin either. I got a comment on how quiet she was. Then we went out to the car. She didn't want to go home and was screaming. lol
She isn't potty training. She refuses to sit on the potty chair. I'm not going to push her. I'm under way too much stress to worry about that right now. We can't even bribe her to sit on the potty fully clothed. I feel pressure from outside to push her though. It seems that all my nieces were trained well before her. Maybe I missed a window of opportunity. She doesn't even mind that her diaper is wet. I think she could wear the same diaper all day and not care one bit.
I can't believe how creative she is. She names objects that aren't dolls or anything as mommy, daddy (for instance pumpkin), baby or Ava (ah-va). She is getting better at coloring. We get her the Color Wonder markers so she can't write on anything else. She likes to draw on the cardboard portion. I took pictures because the marking eventually fade.
This is her drawing.

This is a couple of her faces. She actually drew hair on them. lol The one on the left; the circle around the face is the hair. The one on the right; was a face to begin with then she drew another face inside of it. The circles or dots she said were balloons.

A close up of a face with the hair.

This is what she drew when I asked her for a flower.

She is getting better with her speech. Most of it I still have to stop and think about what that means. Beebeet is her blankies.
She likes to sleep with all three of her blankets. When we go somewhere I usually only take one with us. She'll ask in the driveway, 'more beebeets?'. She asked me to wash them yesterday but then acted lost without them. I let her watch them while the washer was filling with water. Then I showed her the bubbles from the agitation. They didn't get dried she took them right from the washer. They were only mildly damp.
Yesterday my aunt called to see what the kids wanted/needed for Christmas. I gave her a few suggestions for Ava then asked Ava if there was anything else she liked. She said 'daddy'. lol Okay, that's easy, we'll just put a bow on daddy.
She loves dolls (dollys as she calls them) and balls and cars and trains. She isn't prejudiced.
She won't let me play with her hair. I can't do anything with it. I would like to go without cutting her bangs again but she won't wear anything on her head. She really needs them cut. She looks so sloppy, like I don't take care of her.